Talking to my ex this past week has reminded me of this and it’s something that I REALLY need to work harder at remembering when I find myself questioning my worth. You see, despite my physical imperfections and current reconstruction projects my body is undergoing, I’m a good woman.
There is no need to worry about what others will do or might do because I know what I WILL do. My ex carried on an affair behind my back for 2 years before I found out and then another year under my nose. During that year I would lay in bed and ask myself, “What did he cheat” and “What did she do that I hadn’t” and what I came to realize is that it had NOTHING to do with me….it was him.
Now here he is almost 7 years later and coming to realize that the other women he has had aren’t as willing to do/give as much as I did. They weren’t willing to do his laundry and then put it away, hanging shirts according to T-shirt, dressed shirt, long sleeves….etc to make it easier for him to find. They weren’t willing to iron everything and put the sharp creases in his pants before hanging up. They weren’t willing to get up an hour early to make his coffee because he didn’t trust the coffee maker to start on time. Or even willing to spend 10 hours making chili in the slow cooker because he likes his meat “tender” and wants you to stay close to it and stirring it every 30 minutes.
I went to social’s and coffee’s that I could have cared less about, I networked with people that I had no time for, and I helped him to achieve a level in his career that he desired and wanted more than he wanted anything else. All this (and more) I did during my marriage and never complained. I asked him to help me around the house and with the kids so I could get out to work out and get in shape only to have him pat my shoulder and tell me that I was beautiful to him or start an argument that I was trying to lose weight to attract other men.
So what happened? Why did he cheat? She wasn’t prettier than me, skinnier than me, smarter than me….she was her and I’m just me and I”m pretty fucking awesome. There have been a few times I’ve dated men only to walk away because I wasn’t willing to compromise myself to be with them. I wasn’t willing to wait on the side lines for them to realize that I was worth the effort/work of being with me.
Now…I work very hard at knowing my worth and value and what I bring to a relationship. I work at reminding myself that I am one of a kind and worth my weight in gold. I go out of my way to hold myself to that knowledge and I encourage you to do the same. Love yourself more than you love someone who doesn’t value you the same in return.