Time doesn’t only seem to fly when your having fun….it also happens when you need a minute to process life. I’ve been trying to do a dating update each month but August was just….well it was just to much to really do much with. I rolled into Sept and I’m just now getting a chance to really take in the changes and it’s almost the end of the month!
So this is sort of going to be a 2 part post as it would be WAY long if I didn’t. First, …The Couple and I are no longer exploring a romantic relationship but I’m happy to say that we are still friends and enjoy spending time together. Mr. and I had a frank and honest conversation the end of August.
Work has been insane (thanks to the bully seated in the White House) for me and they have had a lot going on as well which was making it difficult to get together. We would make plans to get together and I would have to work or they had things come up and had to cancel…we both kept saying things would calm down but finally had to accept that it wasn’t. We ended things in a good place with both feeling that it was better for our long term friendship to do so.
After our talk that day, I thought back on things that he had said and I had to be honest with myself that I just could not push to include myself in their things when they did get a break in their schedule. He had made a good point that me not speaking up wasn’t fair to him nor did it allow him to meet my needs. So why didn’t I push for more time? Because I knew how much he had on his plate, how much he was already dealing with and I didn’t want to be a burden. I knew that if I pushed for alone time with me, or for him to do events with me, that he would have….but Mrs. and their family needed him more.
In this deeper need, I realized the more that I did to care for myself, the more non submissive I felt and the more non submissive I felt the more I pulled back from his attempts to be in a Dominant role with me….it was a never ending cycle that I didn’t see a way out of given that I didn’t want to make demands on his already over full plate.
I also had to admit that the love I have in my heart for Mr. Goodnight kept me from being in a place to fall in love with Mr. I didn’t see it as being fair to them knowing that my heart wasn’t in a place that I could offer it in a romantic way. I was always honest with Mr. about it and he always assured me that he respected my honesty and still wanted to pursue a relationship and that meant a lot.
The thing that I respect the most about Mr. is his devotion to Mrs…..his unending love for her makes me crave that for myself. I also respect that when we are together, he calls me on the things/actions of mine that I don’t like and that are non pleasing to him as well and that is helpful to me. He doesn’t push himself as “my Daddy” but rather as a Dominant in our local community….sort of like when your kids have a friend over and you make them abide by your rules as well.
The three of us have managed to get together since our talk and it was nice. He and I still talk in the mornings on his way to work and Mrs. and I still text. I hope that she and I will be able to get together for lunch soon….I really do see them as being long term friends both in the lifestyle and out.
My interactions with The Couple really did open my eyes to viewing Poly in ways that I haven’t before. Mr.’s devotion and caring for his wife both in vanilla and kink ways showed me his love for her in ways his words just couldn’t express. A lesser man would have left her to deal with the crazy and got together with me for kinky sexy and play and thought nothing of it.
Instead, when she struggled he politely asked to reschedule time with me to be there to care for her. He made a point of asking if I needed anything from him but I always knew that he wanted to be there for her…the down side to being sensitive to the energy of others. When he wanted to attend local kink events with me he always wanted her to be there so as to allow others to see us as a unit and when she wasn’t up to it, he would struggle with not attending without her…he didn’t want either of us to feel left out and I understood that.
All that said, he made a point of talking to me each morning and telling me that I was just as important to him and that he was sorry when he had to cancel on me. It didn’t make me view Poly as the be all end all…that’s not what I’m saying. What I”m saying is that it showed me that a couple could engage in Poly and make it work when they both love each other and want it…but the 3rd has to be able to fit in and a part of both.
This break up, and those realizations caused me to look at things Mr. Goodnight had shared with me previously regarding Poly and be more open to what he was trying to share with me. Which brings me to where things stand with Mr. Goodnight…