As I mentioned in my previous post, my interactions The Couple caused me to really look at how I viewed a Dom’s need/desire for Poly and how it would affect their other partner. These new thoughts, caused me to really look at past conversations had by Mr. Goodnight and myself. In doing so, these thoughts sparked new conversations about this. No, I wasn’t suddenly jumping up and down with a desire to be Poly….but I was at least for once open to meeting his Other and being open to seeing where it could go.
We both addressed issues that we have had in the past regarding this and I can honestly say that he has since made a bigger effort to communicate more clearly with me and I am making a bigger effort to stop overthinking things so much. To stop looking at WHAT he says and instead trusting in his actions and how he makes me feel. He took me to a private play party being thrown by a long time friend of his and to be honest, it went a LONG way to soothing me and helping me to find my place mentally.
I can’t even find the words to express how it felt to have him allow me to do things for him (without telling me I didn’t have to) and to have him showing care for me in front of others. Introducing me to them and allowing me to sit at his feet before the fire when everyone was talking. It’s amazing how such a single action can go such a long way towards giving me a send of value to him.
The funny part is, prior to the event we had dinner with his Other, and while it went ok…it left me feeling some type of way towards hers and I am woman enough to admit that it was me having higher expectations more than anything she said or did. What I did appreciate though was Mr. Goodnight’s attempts to ensure that everyone was comfortable in the meeting and facilitating things.
The next day was an event that we had been planning for a while that I was looking forward to that didn’t go as planned….or rather his Other ended up being a part of when I wasn’t expecting her to. I was pissed off and feeling petty when I saw her having her friend take their picture as this was time that was mine, something that I had wanted to do with him and my feline wanted her blood under my claws. I made an effort to keep my primal nature at bay and instead reached out to the Posse for help. In the end, Glinda’s reminder that she would drop a house on a bitch in her way made me laugh and refocus on the fact that he did want me there and not allowing her to steal my joy.
Things came up for him and I was waiting patiently enjoying my book when the Other came to find me and I made an attempt to be friendly only to have her say how if he had communicated with both of us better the misunderstanding of the day wouldn’t have happened and how she understood I had time with him then but needed him that night. It was to much for me and I left telling her that she could just have the day. When he called me I ignored his call which made me feel worse after a period of being lost and unable to find my car I just went home.
Thankfully he did not allow me to hide from him and came to the house to find me and discuss what had happened. I didn’t “lie” to him when I said I was trying to be the bigger person when I just left, but I wasn’t honest with him that I didn’t like the way it seemed she threw him under the bus for the misunderstanding instead of just letting it be. I think I may have been wrong for that but I didn’t want to cause problems in their relationship with what could be my petty thoughts.
We have made some strides since then, he took me to the Zoo and allowed me to be Little, he makes an effort to see me each day or at least talk to me and ask how I am in addition to taking my needs for a structured calendar of times that we will see each other to heart and creating a calendar of when are my days and when are her’s which makes me feel better knowing there is a plan.
I make a point of trying to not be “too needy” with his time and encourage him to call/text his Other while we are together so that she doesn’t feel neglected because I do feel bad that when we are together he doesn’t pick up his phone for calls or texts yet I do still hear from him when he is with her. Sometimes he catches me in the things that I do and don’t like and re-directs me or reminds me that he’s “got this” which is nice as well.
So does all this mean? I can’t say that I am now his submissive…..but I also can’t say that I”m not. While I’m not wearing his collar, neither is his Other so I guess I”m ok with that (Giggle) 😈😈😈. Seriously though, while he hasn’t “claimed” me in words I do feel that I have value to him and I trust him when he says that he loves me. He does make an effort to be there for me with calls and time together and that speaks volumes to me.
I still struggle with the insecurities that he doesn’t find me attractive/desireable/sexy and I need to find a way of dealing with that…I have to stop wondering about his sex life with his Other and comparing it to what we have/do. I can say that he does really good at sharing his thoughts on Poly with me and I know that it’s not about the sex but still…a part of me is ALWAYS wondering about how he interacts with her even if I don’t feel jealous.
I mentioned to him my need for domestic disciple to be a part of our dynamic if/when/should we reach that level and he didn’t run screaming from the room. In fact, we have progressed to the point that he has asked me to complete a submissive checklist and questionnaire for him for moving forward. I have to admit this is a new thing for me and a bit challenging. We have been doing this dance for over 6 months now and it’s hard to…..it’s challenging for me in a way that it’s outside of what has been normal for me and has pushed me outside of my comfort zone if you will.
So that sums up the dating news here in the land of Little Selina…..still confused, still traveling the path of my journey, and still hopefully that I will find the DD/lg or D/s dynamic that I crave with a partner whom I can build solid and lasting with.