Speaking from the Soul

Self Love Sunday – Nesting Doll not complicated

Growing up, my mother use to tell me that I needed to act more feminine and girlie so as not to scare the boys away. My Aunt, on the other hand, would say “show a man your strength/power and he will show you how feminine you can be”.

In the vanilla world I’m seen a a strong, confident woman…I am highly respected and a proven leader. In the life style I’m an Alpha sub, a Little, and I have some slave tendencies. I use to refer to myself as complicated when I meet guys to try and help them to not be so overwhelmed in trying to get to know me.  Then one day, it was pointed out that I wasn’t that complicated at all, I’m actually just a nesting doll of pleasure.

For those in a quick hurry, they only see and get my outer shell.  For those who take their time and open me down to my deeper levels, they get to see me at my baser level…my Little side that is hidden and protected by everything else.  For a long time, I’ve tried VERY hard to make it easy for guys to get to know me…thinking that was the quickest route to finding a Daddy.

However, after being on this journey for so long, I’ve realized that Marilyn Monroe had the right idea.  If a man can’t handle the bad, naughty, bratty parts of me….does he really deserve the sensual, slutty, submissive side of me?  If he isn’t willing to put in the work to care for my Little side/nature, does he truly deserve to have me seated at his feet ready to give myself to serve his ever need and desire?

I’m not alone in this, I know that many of you have this same issue and ask yourselves the same question.  At times, we want to give up our journey to find a Daddy/Dom/Master because of the flakes and phonies that we have meet along the way.  We tell ourselves that we will simply settle for a strong vanilla guy and yet, even then we feel that ache of something missing when we try.

I can’t be like everyone else, I have to be like me.  I can’t try to make myself be simple because in the end, I can only maintain that facade for so long before my true self emerges.  So I have to love myself as MYSELF and allow others to do the same.  Some men will allow you to hide away inside your shell and others will keep at you until you bare your deepest darkest soul to them.  They want you to show this so that they can love it as well.

In the past, I have come to love men who loved all parts of me equally and in doing so allowed me to love the truly dark and twisted parts of them as well.  They needed that acceptance from me and gave it as well.

This doesn’t have to be hard, it should be easy….acceptance starts when we stop putting up barricades and allow our partner to see each of the parts hidden inside of us.  This is something that I am really good at doing and need to make more of an effort to improve on.  Mr. Goodnight told me several times that I never allowed him to see/care for my Little side and in the end, I agreed that I didn’t.  I didn’t feel safe to be Little with him as I didn’t think that he would understand me.  It wasn’t something that we ever resolved or grew beyond and in the end….I think it’s one of the reasons we never transitioned from friendship to a relationship.

It also taught me to stop being ashamed/afraid of who and what I am.  That if someone can’t accept me as Little then to stop repressing that side of me, just reduce the amount of time I spend with them.  I have to be safe/free to be me and if that means I lose a friend…that’s preferable to losing myself.


4 thoughts on “Self Love Sunday – Nesting Doll not complicated

  1. always always always be true to yourself first and foremost, keep it authentic and the right Daddy will come along and scoop you up, it’s when you try to be something you’re not that makes life difficult, never be ashamed of who and what you are ever, littles aren’t for everyone and some people are just mean n say really really hurtful things to you about your life and who you are, those people are not worth keeping in your life, they are toxic and want you to conform conform conform to the vanilla world, they will crap on you until you give in and end up living a lie and being miserables. ( this includes family if need be) family is love you can make a family out of friends, could be Caregivers who guide you or mentor you and keep you outta troubles etc anyone who loves you just as you are can be family.

    just a thought… 🙂 xo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am twice married. My first wife was a good person but I couldn’t be me with her. I tried but it wouldn’t work. She didn’t want me! She wanted her “idea” of me. When the relationship died and I started dating again I admit I showed the real me because I knew I couldn’t be happy if I had to hide “me”. Luckily my Queen loves the real me. I don’t have to pretend or hide. This is a great post! Best of luck finding the perfect Daddy (for you)!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Michael!!!! My ex and I had the same issue. He only wanted the perfect image of me that made him look good. He wanted the version of me that took care of everything and allowed him to do nothing. While I enjoyed taking care of my husband, kids, home and our life…I resented him for not taking care of me in return and that wasn’t ok.

      I’ve been lucky to find those who have showed me it can be done and is worth waiting for to find!

      Liked by 1 person

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