** Sorry for the respost but for some reason, this didn’t publish right so trying to redo/correct it now**
Sooooooo, another month has gone by and this one has been more interesting than the last one. For starters, I took the time to REALLY look at what each guy had to offer and how compatible I was with each and pretty much crossed off everyone but the married couple. Now…let me warn you, this is going to get REALLY LONG and I apologize in advance.
I wasn’t LOOKING for a Triad relationship with a couple and when asked WHY he messaged me when nothing in my profile indicated that I would be open to it, Mr. simply said something about my words just spoke to him. I have to be honest and tell you that I have REALLY come to respect him not just as a man but as a Dom in this month of getting to know him.
From the beginning, he has been adamant that we will “talk” at the end of each week as a “check in” on where we stand. At the end of the 2nd week, he told me that he found me to be a sexy, smart, and intelligent woman whom he wanted to get to know in the hopes of me becoming his sub/Little. He also told me that he has talked to mutual friends about my and all the nice things that they had to say about me as well as that he and his wife are considering me as their third. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how much this blew me away. It was better than getting flowers in a lot of ways. He even changed their Fet account to say that they were considering me….not to pressure me to do the same but to let me know their intentions towards me.
We have gotten together a few times and it blows my mind to watch him come in and greet which ever one is us is closer and then the other, both in the same way. I won’t lie and say that it’s not a turn on to have him kiss me and smack my ass with his wife watching….or to hear him tell me that I look beautiful with her close by. When we eat a meal, it is with both of us on either side of him and we have conversations that include everyone.
I can honestly say that they have given me a WHOLE new appreciation for what a Poly relationship can be. I don’t feel insecure or threatened….we talk about everything so there is no need. Even on the couch watching movies he holds us both and strokes whatever part of our body he can get his hands on. I spent the night with them and it was really nice to sleep cuddled with him in the middle and playing with Mrs. in tickling him. They both make me feel wanted, needed, and cherished.
It hasn’t always been roses, in fact, one weekend I had a freak out and confided in Mrs. who told Mr. to call me as she was worried about me. When I got there for dinner that night, he addressed my issue, praised me for reaching out to her and we talked about what caused my freak out and how to avoid it moving forward. We each got a turn to talk with him summing things up at the end and closing out our talk with him saying how much he valued both of us and wanted to be sure each felt heard and cared for. The reason for that conversation has not been brought up again and it felt really good to have that sense of closure at the end.
Also, it’s nice to feel his presence in my life…even when I haven’t actually agreed to be his sub. He set the terms for how we communicate and I get a text/phone call from him every morning. We have a joint talk each week and more than that Mrs. and I text each other often as well. He will tell me the day and time that we are going to get together and once I’ve agreed this is a good time it’s done. He tells me how he likes me to look so I know how to dress for him and it feels amazing the way he is always rubbing my bottom and swatting at it….damn spanko’s (Giggle).
I am expected to share the happenings of my day with him so as to allow him to see where he can be of assistance and it amazes me that with a wife, kids, and job he still finds time to make me feel important to him. He keeps his promises to me, even if it’s calling to say that he has to break a date or miss a call.
Mrs….I can’t tell you how much I come to love her more and more that I get to know her. She is funny, sweet, and loving and has such an easy way of making me feel at ease when I spend time with them. There is no jealousy, now competition….she genuinely wants a third and not just to have someone fuck her husband but wants a friendship and relationship as well. We laugh and giggle and I can see brat adventures with her. When I am there, she includes me in things and when I’m not she texts and shares. It’s funny but at times, I wonder if it’s her or him that has pulled me in without thought and makes being with them so natural.
Mr. Goodnight: Things progressing with The Couple prompted me to have a talk with Mr. Goodnight, per our agreement, to let him know that I was going to pursue a relationship with them. This prompted us to have a couple of rather deep conversations of our own and to him saying that he could in fact see himself having a romantic relationship with me when things weren’t so busy/hectic for him. It also made us both realize that there have been a lot of misunderstandings between us due to the fact that we do not communicate in the same way. I tend to over communicate for him and he tends to under communicate for me. Often when we are trying to work something out, it just gets dropped in the middle and there is no resolution.
During these conversations, I also realized that over the 4 months we had been spending time together, I had fallen in love with that man. I attended a work dinner party with him and spent the whole evening wanting to make him proud of me. I bought a new dress, got my nails done, did my makeup…I put in the effort and I can honestly say that when he told me I looked good, I believed him.
I had to admit to myself that a part of me really did want to pursue a relationship with him…see where things could go. That I wanted to experience that Dom side of him that I have seen peek out a few times. But I also had to admit that it could be too little, too late….
- He has another girl that he is seeing…I have agreed to be considered by the Couple.
- There are SOOOOO many misunderstandings between us that, no matter our good intentions, never seem to get resolved.
- While we both SAY that we are seeking a D/s with TPE together, it’s always vanilla and I’m not sure that this is a direction that can be changed this late in the game. We agreed to work on our communication while I was gone, and that lasted for 4 emails.
The funny part is that while my heart has love for him….I can NOT allow myself to be pulled back into another vanilla relationship with hints of D/s like I had with DK or even all the way vanilla like with my ex-husband. I have to be honest that the lack of structure in our relationship now….leads me to believe that I could be “to much” for him and we would lose the close friendship that we have built.
Now here is the kicker, while I’ve been gone, Mr. has still been adamant that we continue our weekly “check in” and during that conversation this past weekend I was honest about my feelings for Mr. Goodnight and the confusion that it’s causing me. That due to the way that I was feeling about Mr. Goodnight and his other, I didn’t feel that I was a good fit for Poly. I expected him to withdraw his consideration and walk away. Instead, he told me that our hearts want what they want and that they want me. They are willing to give me time to figure out what I want, what I need, and what I plan to do.
He did ask me to think about a few things this week and be prepared to answer them during our next check in…
- Do I feel jealous/insecure with him and Mrs.? If so when and why. I don’t. He does a really good job of communicating with me what their plans are and including me in them when possible or making other plans with me after. When we talk each day, he mentions her, how we compliment each other, how we are different…what needs we both serve for him. So I feel comfortable in that.
- He asked me how does he make me feel as a Dom and as a man. I have to be honest and say that he makes me feel very secure in him because he validates me feelings and emotions (even when he doesn’t agree) and my “place” with him. Be it the kiss on my forehead/cheek in greeting, the swat to my ass, the text in the morning when he wakes, the fact that he makes plans in advance with me and tells me how he would like to see me, to the way he calls me “Little One” or Good Girl.
What I realized was, his questions were meant to make me think about my relationship with them outside of my feelings for Mr. Goodnight and separate the two. He gently pushed me out of my box of confusion so that my brain could see what my emotions were clouding…without telling me what to do. It’s another thing that I like about Mr….even though he doesn’t consider himself to be my Daddy/Dom/Master, he is always asking questions when I am confused and rather than leaving me in the confusion to spiral out…he provides guidance without me having to ask. He has taught me things this last month in a gentle way that I needed and shown me why he is such a good Dom/Master rather than telling me.
So what did I decide about Mr. Goodnight? I realized that it’s not fair to end things with them due to the insecurities that I feel from Mr. Goodnight. That while my heart has love for him, he isn’t ready to give me what I need and I don’t think that he can. I can still have that FRIENDSHIP with him, but have accepted that it is only going to be a PLATONIC vanilla friendship with someone who understands kinky needs and desires.
Mr. wants us all to take things slow and build a solid foundation and I respect that….but he doesn’t have an issue with telling me his expectations and reminding me that my actions are a reflection upon him when I go to events. Not in a “hard and mean way” but more in a loving Daddy way of reminding me to control my natural bratty nature.
Have I mentioned that it’s awesome that they loves bondage and spanking as much as I do? That Mrs. is as much of a naughty Tumbrl junkie as me?
Yes, long update but I hope that it shows when I am and how I’m feeling. Who knows what next month will bring LOL.