I’m currently on sabbatical to recharge my batteries after a grueling/emotional week left me shaken and really questioning basic things in my mind. I finally put in for additional leave packed my bag and went home to my Auntie. I can’t even tell you how good it felt to climb into her bed, lay on my uncle’s side and just let go of EVERYTHING. It’s also nice to be with people who understand how much being in control takes a toll on me because I haven’t made one decision since I left home.
It hasn’t been all grin’s and giggle’s as my Aunt is not the type to pull punches. My Aunt still calls me Little Princess which really does annoy me. “What does the Lil Princess want?, What can I get my Little Princess?” I always roll my eyes and remind her (and my siblings) how much I HATE to be called a Princess, even if my Uncle did always refer to me as me his Princess or his Scarlett growing up.
This time, my Aunt was not in the mood to allow me to brush aside her endearment and asked why I hate to be Princess. My response was that I don’t think like a Princess. If I had been Cinderella I would have left them bitches a LONG time before I stayed and left them use me. She cracked up laughing and told me that unlike a Fairytale Princess I was raised to be a REAL Princess. This made me mad and I huffed and pouted that it wasn’t true, I’m a Super Villain!
What she told me then surprised me….a Princess is born and bred to be a Queen. She is taught to love and care for those around her and taught to love, please, and serve her King with ALL her heart. She is bread to look sweet and innocent but there is so much more.
More than that, a Princess is also raised to one day be a Queen and leader. She is taught how to run the kingdom where there is no King or in his stead. To make the decisions that are needed or to be the support to the one who does. To put his needs (and that of their kingdom) above her own and to find the joy in that. She can do it all on her own but she CHOOSES to relinquish control and rule over to him. She CHOOSES to fight by his side and defend all that he commands.
I am blessed to have been raised in that home where I got to see the love shine from his face as he called her His Queen, and in her’s when she referred to him as her King. I got to grow up in a home with a strong Queen who served her King and his kingdom without reservation, without competition, and without jealousy. I got to see her take care of home while he was at work, keep us in line while he was away with the Army, even when he got sick, she served his needs and allowed us to see his strength through him.
We call my Aunt the Dower Dutchess since my Uncle passed away but even though he is gone, she still reminds us of what he wished for us, what he hoped for us, and how proud he is of us. While I feel sad at times that he is no longer with us, I am proud to be his (heart) daughter and the things that he instilled in me.
At times, I fight those things feeling that I need to be a warrior and not a Princess but this talk with my Auntie showed me that being a Princess isn’t weakness…it’s the training period for greatness. If I’m honest, this is something that I want BADLY. This is why I feel so out of sorts at times and why I feel so frenzied to find my Daddy/Dom/Master. It’s that nesting urge to make a home and keep it. To be the other half to a partner who appreciates that my driving urge is to serve him and to allow him to serve me in turn.
So no longer will I deny that I am a Princess because for a man to see me as a Princess, means that he can also see me as his Queen and that is what I desire to be and then some.
My uncle was the king of our home and lives and as his daughter I am a Princess. I know my self-worth and that is to sit beside my man and be his everything. To be his confidant, his cheerleader, his support system, his lover, his back up, his submissive and his Little. To find a man who is aroused/turned on by all that I can do and respect that I do not NEED him to rescue/save me but want him to. A man strong enough to step in and say “I’ve got this Princess” and make me his Queen.
Yeah, I had this Princess thing all wrong but now that the Dower Dutchess has straightened me out…I’m going to wear my Tiara proudly and fuck those who don’t like it!