BDSM · Self Care

A girl worth fighting for

In this lifestyle…we hear a lot about forgiveness.  We as subs are encouraged to speak from our heart, be honest in our communication and that when we do there will be forgiveness that leads to moving forward and leaving wrong in the past.  But a large part of that is accepting the punishment/discipline that our Dom/Daddy/Master decide is needed.  We know that once we have, it’s done…over….and we move forward.

But what about when it’s your Dom/Daddy/Master that has done the wrong?  Do don’t paddle them, we don’t put them in the corner…how does a sub type discipline/punishment her Dom/Daddy/Master?  How do we get from that place where you feel hurt, betrayed, or angry?  In fact, most of us would say that a good sub type doesn’t think about doing this but rather, trusts that their Dom/Daddy/Master will make the needed atonement.

Sometimes in an effort to be a “good” sub type we can be to forgiving and to willing to move forward and this can be a huge injustice that we do to ourselves.  Sometimes, the words aren’t enough….they ring hollow or they can even lead to the action being repeated further destroying the trust that has been built.  Sometimes…sometimes the hurt that has been caused goes past hearing “I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to hurt you”, sometimes we need action to sooth that pain.  Just as we take a spanking or even corporal punishment shows our willingness to suffer (if you will) and show our commitment to repairing the damage that has been done to our dynamic by our actions.

I don’t have the answer to this question…in fact, I REALLY wish that I did but what I DO know is that I am worth the effort and that is what this post is about.  When you submit to a Dom/Daddy/Master and you give those deeper parts of yourself…you are giving something just as valuable as their gift of dominance.  You are worth the effort of atonement, you are worth more than the words of “I’m sorry”….you are a girl worth fighting for.

This is something that I find myself constantly reminding myself of.  I am one of those people that tries VERY hard to avoid drama and in doing so….I forgive to easily at times.  Doing this causes me not to feel like the Daddy/Dom/Master in question really meant their apology but just “content” to move forward and not dwell on the bad.  It makes me feel like, I’ve opened the door to them showing me and often times…there aren’t really actions to back up the apology but things just go back to being whatever.

This weekend I had such a situation in which I WANTED to accept an apology that was given by a Dom/Master type and yet….I couldn’t.  The pain that I felt was to deep and the hurt to raw.  I hit this person in my anger and then felt even worse for allowing my hurt to manifest in such a way.  I went home thinking about what was said between us and realized that I had two choices…I could accept the apology and move forward knowing that a part of me was waiting for the next time we had this same conversation again.  Or I could put my own feelings first and not take away from them in order to not make him feel bad.

I don’t want to make anyone feel bad, but I do want to know that the tears I’ve shed due to his actions were felt.  I want to feel that he suffered the pain of knowing he caused me pain. I want to know that to him, I am a girl worth fighting for and he is willing to do this.  That he is willing to do more than spout two words (I’m sorry) but that he is willing to put in the work to rebuild the trust that his actions destroyed just as I would lay across his lap and take a spanking.

That is what this post is about…it’s about saying that it’s ok to not swallow your hurt and pain in order to make someone else feel better.  Your not a bad sub type because your not willing to do this in order to keep a relationship going.  In fact, in my opinion…even in our hurt and pain we MUST respect the honesty that giving our submission and trust conveys, even in pain.

It is during these times that we must remember that we are worth fighting for and not lower our standards or expectations of those whom we call Daddy/Dom/Master….doing so lowers our value as a sub types as well.

So what am I going to do about the incident that happened this weekend.  Nothing.  I  was honest with him in how I felt, how hurt I felt, and why I felt this way.  Now he can either fight to fix, repair the trust that his actions have broken.  If he does, then I know that my feelings, my trust, and my love/affections have value to him.  If he doesn’t then I have to value myself enough to accept that for what it is.

So if you find yourself in this situation now or down the road then I hope that you will thinking of my ramblings here and this song.  That it will inspire you to love and fight for your self when times get hard.

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8 thoughts on “A girl worth fighting for

  1. I’m sorry you were hurt. I have no answers either but think that open communication is the first step to forgiveness and healing. I hope this Dom decides you are worth fighting for. But if not, it’s his loss! If he is unable to realize your worth or face up to his own inadequacy then he likely is the wrong Dom for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you love, I know that it wasn’t intention and still believe him to be a good man but it did bring this question to mind. What I came to realize is that in the end, it’s not for me to just give forgiveness but to be open to allowing him to earn it with his actions

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I love that you know that you are worth it, Selina! As submissives, we are not merely emotional doormats for Daddy/Dom/Masters to walk all over. The primary job of the Dominant is to fully take care of the submissive. It sounds like you are not being cared for emotionally and I hope that through open and honest communication that is rectified. This is a fantastic post…such an important topic. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have to HONESTLY say, that it was not all his fault that my feelings were hurt. There were things that I should have said before and didn’t that could have prevented it. He is a REALLY nice guy who really does care a lot about me. However, the question now becomes….does he care enough to step up and do the work to fix it now that he knows.

      We as subs have to stop saying “it’s ok” to all the little things that happen because when we do, we leave that door open for the big things and it’s in that moment that we realize the little became big and we have an issue to be dealt with.

      I am re-learning my worth and I have AMAZING friends and you guys who remind me of this and it’s with your love and support that I can be honest and say, I can’t sweep it under the rug but I need that grand gesture to show that he is willing and able to work to make this right.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. This is a really valuable topic to consider.
    Yes, over the years I have had times when I have heard “I’m sorry”, too many times.
    I’ve learned to say openly how hurt I am, even if my reaction is out of proportion, especially then, in fact. And always to say to him, “I need you to do this, something specific, to help me feel better.”

    Ash

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know we’ve talked off-line, and I just came back to read this a second time… Just know I’m so proud of you for your thought process here, and taking care of yourself
    Whatever you decide, I love and support you

    Like

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