Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 11 (What Does Consent Mean to You?)
Most of us think of consent as a “Yes” or a “No” when it comes to sex. But really, whether in a vanilla or kinky relationship, there’s more to consent than that. Plus, some D/s relationships play with consensual non-consent. Some relationships have a rule that as long as the submissive is with the Dominant, consent is implied. See? Much more than a yes or no question. Think about consent and what it means to you.
Once again…I’m challenged to answer this prompt openly and honestly. For me, consent is trust based and driven. In the beginning of your relationship you negotiated what you will do and what you won’t do. You as the sub/slave/little are saying what you WILL do for your Dom/Daddy/Master and what you are willing to allow them to do to you.
To me this means you are “consenting” to allow them to discipline you, to push your buttons, to hold you accountable…you are agreeing to follow their lead without a lot of questions. That you are agreeing to do what you are told to do and when.
By giving your consent to these negotiations, you have opened the door to learning to trust your partner. You are building a bridge to something deeper. An example would be when your Daddy/Dom/Master say’s “Go to the bed, strip naked, lay across it and wait for me, you are going to follow directions without asking “why” or “what did I do?” (which can be VERY hard for a LOT of us). You have agreed/consented to allow him to punish/discipline you or to use your body for his pleasure/joy and have to trust that he will honor that in according to your agreement.
The other side to this is that as your relationship grows, your trust builds, and your power exchange deepens, you will find that you can be less “verbal” in your consent and sometimes you haven’t really even “consented”. In my relationship with Garrick, we have evolved to a point where I am not allowed to tell him “no”. He tells me what to do, I can “respectfully” express why I don’t want to do anything but I also know there is a good chance that it is still going to happen.
Sometimes this means, having your limits pushed past where you feel “comfortable” and trusting that your partner is not going to harm you in a serious way. Oh your bottom will be red, pussy will feel worn and used, and there could be a lot of wrestling to get you chained down. But in the end, the sub space and release of endorphins will be unlike anything you’ve felt before in an amazing way.
Also…there is a security in having your Daddy/Dom/Master take control of you in this way. For me, as my Caretaker, there are times when I’m cranky and irritable and tend to be a smart mouth 😲 (gasp in shock here please 🤣). This is when he goes into his “Daddy” voice and we stray from our “consent”.
Garrick: Kitten, it’s nap time, get your blanket and your stuffie and lay down.
Me: NO NAP!!!!! (Have I mentioned I HATE that word? 😜)
Garrick: You don’t have to go to sleep but you will lay down and rest
Me: But I don’t wanna
Garrick: Did I ASK if you wanted to?
Me: No 😭
Here’s the thing, many would tell you to do it and trust that you are going to and go about their business. Garrick is the bossy kind who will stay on the phone to “LISTEN” to hear if your moving around and do NOT try to mute your phone as it will NOT work.
Now let me say this, there are MANY things that you could do that I would have NO ISSUE with, however, being forced to rest when I’m tried and cranky is HARD for me and pushes my buttons in a HUGE way. I would rather have a red bottom or hours with an anal plug versus having to lay quietly and rest.
But that is what a good Daddy/Dom/Master does, they learn you and learn when to take consent away from you and when to respect it. They do what it takes to care for you when you want it and when you don’t. They will do what is easy and they know you will go along with and when to do the things that will push your buttons and make you push back.