Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 09 (Let’s Talk Limits)
Do you know what your hard limits are? Are there a few things you’d like to try but you’re a little nervous? They’re such a big part of D/s and kink, it’s never a bad idea to think about them no matter where you are in your relationship.
When I first started my journey, I was SO SURE that I knew what my hard limits were:
- No pain
- No bodily fluid (scat, urine, blood)
- Rope play
- Roleplay of a sexual nature
- No children or animals
- No group sex
And then one day I read a blog post by a Master and his slave about what Golden Showers meant to both of them. For him, it wasn’t just erotic, it was meaningful, and it wasn’t about him pissing on her to piss on her…it was him MARKING her as his property.
For her, it was about him giving her a gift of his mark and his scent upon her skin. She talked about how it was something she NEVER thought she would crave or want and how in placing her trust in him, he had pushed her limits to a place where she could no longer see the woman she had been before him or could imagine ever being happier.
I must have read that post 20 times letting it marinate in my mind….accepting that what we THINK something is, isn’t always what it is. That sometimes, trust in our partner can change something from a “hard” limit, to a soft limit, to a no limit. There is a reason why we communicate honestly with each other, why we share our kinks and desires, and why a D/s relationship is always evolving and when your both committed can evolve into something that changes you both.
It made me open my eyes to the fact that things aren’t always as I saw them and I saw myself being open to trying things. When Garrick came into my life not longer after…he showed me that the more I opened myself to his dominance the stronger I felt in my submission and the more things looked less scary and terrifying. I came to a point where I could admit that I crave some pain, that I am Little and enjoy the thrill of not knowing and being pushed outside of your comfort limits.
Garrick use to give me assignments to research different kinks and then challenge me to share my TRUE thoughts, no matter how scary they were. The first time I watched a fisting video and became aroused….OMG it was HORRIBLE trying to describe to him the way that it made me feel but it also blew my mind that I could see myself wanting that.
Over the years…I’ve tried things that were once on my “hard limit” and admitted that others are more “solid” limits till I have built the right amount of trust. With this said, I HAVE to add that some things will ALWAYS be a hard NO limit, such as anything dealing with underage children but that is more about my moral belief where others were just my fear ruling my choices and decisions.