Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 08 (Handling Negative Emotions)
How do you handle negative emotions like anger, jealousy, and fear now? How do you expect that to be different in D/s?
This was NOT an easy prompt to write…how do I handle my negative emotions….I can’t really say that I do.
While I work very hard to maintain my southern charm, there are times that I feel my ghetto card wanting to come out. This tends to be if you mess with my kids, my family, or my friends. You fuck with them, and I’m going to fuck you up. However, when it comes to work and social situations, I tend to walk away before it can come to this as I KNOW the primal response that can come if I don’t….and I’m to old to be throwing hands while someone records shouting “World Star”!!!
It can take me a couple of hours or days to seethe the anger out and to come to a point where I can look at the situation from all sides and then re-engage in a calm civilized manner. This is NOT productive to good communication in a relationship and it’s also not healthy for me as I tend to shut down and withdrawal rather than deal with these feelings and emotions.
I’m not really sure that I’m a jealous person. My marriage ending due to my ex having an affair. I wasn’t all “you stole my man, I’m gonna kick your ass” but I was very hurt that he had done this to our family and under my nose. When CSM and I were together and would go to play parties…I loved to watch the Sadist in him whip the other subs and see the pleasure that he gave them, but I never felt like they would replace me or steal him from me as he always made sure that I KNEW that I was his. I guess what I’m trying to say is that one thing my ex’s infidelity taught me was that you can’t make someone be faithful so why worry about it?
However, I do find myself sometimes feel jealous of other subs who have found their Daddy/Dom/Master and are living the lifestyle. I find myself wishing that I was them and wanting what they have and then wallowing in a pity party of “when will my prince come”. However, I also force myself to “hunt the good” and remind myself of the blessings that I do have. I’m still great friends with CSM who loves me, I still have Garrick who loves and cares for me, I have my family who also looks after me, and I have great friends who love and support me. That normally brings me out of my pity party.
This I call my Turtle reaction, I pull into my shell to protect myself from whatever is scaring me. I ignore what is going on and “pretend” that everything is ok. It can take me a minute to come out of that shell if left to my own devices so often it’s been falling on my partner, friend, family member to pull me out of it.
This is NOT good, and I know it, it’s also a hard habit to break. Why? Because I’m always trying to “be strong” and not be “to needy” so for me to actually ADMIT that I’m scared/afraid of something, well that takes a LOT for me and it’s not something that I can always do in the time that I should.
How do I expect this to change when I re-engage in another D/s relationship? I’m going to have to push myself to be present in my emotions and own my feelings. I am going to have to communicate honestly and openly and not allow my emotions/fears to rule/guide/direction my actions.