This last week has been….challenging in many ways but in others, an eye opener on my journey. I’ve written about my 1st Daddy after my divorce, CSM before but haven’t really shared much about our dynamic as it wasn’t something he was comfortable with. This past week I’ve been in his company attending a training that will be beneficial at work. Let me say that being with him again, has reminded me of the reasons that I feel in love with this man.
He comes to my hotel so we can work out each morning and reminds/forces me to eat breakfast before starting his day and then comes back to the hotel to get me for class. He still insists on opening my car door even when the unlock button on his key fob wouldn’t work, the man walked around to the driver’s side, unlocked and THEN came back to open my door (Giggle). I TRIED to tell him I could do it but only got “that look” and a grunt.
When we get to class he holds my chair and then goes to get me a drink before settling in next to me. The crazy man even comes back to get me each night as he doesn’t like the idea of me returning to the hotel alone at night or driving around and getting lost in a strange city.
What I’ve loved the most, each morning when he see’s me, he tells me that I’m beautiful in some way. I blush and say I’m not and he tells me to stop being argumentative…old song, same dance it seems. However, I will admit that for the first time in a long time, I feel beautiful and desirable again.
A part of me even considered opening the door for something sexual during this 2 weeks that we will be together…however, my Posse reminded me that it’s best to allow sleeping dogs to lay where they are and when I brought it up to CSM he told me that he himself had the same idea but the reasons why we didn’t try again still remain and neither of us are capable of doing “casual” with the other. It sucks but part of being an adult, right?
However, I’ve found that this has been VERY beneficial to my “submissive mindset reset”. It’s reminded me WHY I want this life style and WHY finding the right person is important. It’s also been nice to be with someone whom I trust enough to totally allow myself to be little and age play with.
It’s also allowed me to be more comfortable in my friendship with Mr. Goodnight and our conversations. For example, we were talking about how D/s relationships start. He was surprised that after being together for only 2 weeks, CSM had let me know that he wanted me to be his and collared me with a training collar at 6 months…his actual words were “damn that must have been some good pussy”. Considering that we have been fucking for 2 months, it was a little insulting that he had to ask but then again…we were fucking for a month when he told me that he didn’t want to have a relationship so I’m not really surprised anymore when he says things like this anymore.
We are friends with benefits and that’s all that this is going to be so there really isn’t any reason to sweat the little stuff. Sometimes when he is being sweet and things are going well, I almost start to think the “maybe’s” but then I remind myself not to and I’m good again.
However, this week of playfulness and reflection has cemented in my mind that if I want a relationship based on a D/s power exchange then I have to be open to it, and working towards it. I also can’t cut myself off from getting to know other Daddy Dom’s because I’m having good sex with Mr. Goodnight.
So I’m going to enjoy my time with CSM and use it in building my “moving forward” plan. Reconnect with the friends that I’ve made in the lifestyle and rebuild my “Little” world to retreat in when I want/need to.
CSM has agreed to let me share some stories of our time together as it relates to my thoughts on age play so I will also be writing and sharing that soon. I’m feeling good guys and am more dedicated now to getting in shape and LOOKING good! One thing from a man telling you that you are beautiful and sexy every day…you get up on time/early and you make the EFFORT to look as he see’s you! That is another take away for me this week.
Okay, time for bed…hope that you all had a GREAT week and I thank you for visiting!