Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s – Day 02
Does a submissive have certain behaviors? Do submissive’s do specific tasks? When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?
So, this was actually challenging for me. I KNOW that I am naturally submissive but how do I put this into words? Do I have certain behaviors? Are they “tells” to Dom’s that mark me as “submissive”? Again, I needed a couple of days to think this over and allow myself to be totally honest. While I am submissive, I’m not submissive to everyone…or am I to an extent? Over the last couple of years I have found myself stumbling upon Dom’s at work. I’ve found myself wondering “how” they “knew” that I was submissive before I confirmed it.
In thinking this over, I found that while I do not SUBMIT to every Dom, I have a giving heart that LOVES and NEEDS to serve. So at times, I do things that could be seen as submitting when they aren’t intended that way. Examples:
- Once I feel a respect for you, I will call you Sir or Ma’am without being asked.
- If a Dominant asks me to do something “within reason” then I am more than willing to do so but more for getting my fix than to “bend to their needs” so to speak. So if we are at a munch and a Dom that I had respect for were to say “Selina, would you mind getting me some sugar” I would do it. If I don’t know you and don’t respect you, you are going to get the side eye from me as well as something snarky and biting (ie. Do I have Hazel written on my shirt?”).
However, if you are MY Dom then you can tell in the fact that I don’t challenge you when you offer help (You don’t have to, Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it). My demeanor and spirit are different as well. If anything, I find it annoying when people take my general kindness as a submissive act. For me, a submissive act is doing something that I would not do for anyone else…i.e. kneeling before you, lowering my eyes in deference, or putting your comfort before my own. But this question did make me stop and think of how my actions could be mistaken. This will require further thought on my part.
When it comes to the question of if submissive’s do specific tasks….that’s hard to say as it depends on the specifics of that dynamic. Some would say that kneeling is a submissive act, but then again a Dom could kneel when caring for his sub. Washing/cleaning your partner after a scene is a submissive act, but again…something a Dom could do in caring for his sub. So for me personally, as a sub I once had a Daddy Dom who smoked cigars so at the end of the night I would bring the humidor that housed his cigars, his lighter, and a glass half full of cognac and kneel at his feet. He would stroke my hair as we discussed our day.
I have a friend whose tasks are that after they wake up, she starts the shower for him (to get the water warm) and then goes to make coffee. She then takes the coffee back to her now showered Sir and then goes to make his breakfast and pack his lunch.
Another that I know serves her Sir by allowing him to care for her. He makes her meal plan, she texts to ask for treats, she texts to ask to smoke, she calls if her daily routine will change. Her submission to his micromanagement serves his need (and her’s).
When I think of a submissive, I think of someone who is strong enough to put the needs/wants of another before their own. Someone willing to allow themselves to be vunerable and open to another and hold nothing back. To share the things that we have never shared before. They are the Spock of the Enterprise, supporting the Captain as he maneuvers us through the galaxy but providing the emotional, mental, and sometimes intellectual support that they sometimes don’t need. Sometimes we get to sit in the big chair and keep our dynamic on track so as to allow our Dominant to re-group or re-cover but they are always the Captain and we are always the First Officer, no matter what we are doing in any given moment.
I invite you to share your thoughts below or to visit the Loving BDSM website and