To be honest…I’ve been feeling “off” a lot lately and trying to put my finger on it. For the most part, I”ve told myself that it was due to the turmoil at work but as work has settled back into a normal routine, I had to admit to myself that wasn’t it at all. Then last week, Mr. Goodnight asked me why I sit at work doing things AFTER I’ve gotten off and I had no really good answer. I have told myself it was because I wanted to work ahead but in truth…I was using it as a surrogate means of feeling useful and submissive. Kind of warped I know but being truthful to myself…it’s what I was doing.
So I sat down on Friday and asked myself, how can I work on myself as a sub and give myself that feeling of submission. One of the things I decided to do was to FINALLY get caught up on the Loving BDSM Podcasts. The first one to start calling my name was “Feeling more Vanilla than D/s and lets just say…it really made me think about what I’ve been feeling and why. You can tell YOURSELF that D/s is more mental than physical but there is something about hearing someone else say it that really puts it into perspective.
Kayla and John do SUCH an amazing job of covering the topic in a way that makes you THINK about yourself as a sub/Dom and how you engage with others. Driving along and listening to them, thinking about myself and current feelings…it was a nice way to spend a road trip.
When I saw the episode, “Resetting a Submissive’s Noisy Mind” I couldn’t WAIT to listen and it didn’t disappoint! Just about everything that Kayla talked about rang true with me. But when your single, how do you reset your OWN noisy mind? I’ve been thinking on this question since Sunday and finally realized that I needed to make a plan to reset my own mind so as to enable me to stop feeling “off” and to get to a place where I am READY to be a good submissive partner when the time arises.
So my plan…go back to episode #1 of the Loving BDSM Podcast and plan to listen to them in order during my work commute. Reason being…to open myself to new idea’s and ways of looking at things. With that in mind, I signed up for the Loving BDSM’s 30 Days of D/s email and got my first one today. I really thought that these were going to be quick and easy writing assignments only to find myself REALLY having to stop and THINK about it. Believe it or not, but that feeling excited me because for the first time in a long while, I am feeling challenged and maybe this is my chance to step outside of my comfort zone and maybe find a new one.
I hope that you will join me on this chapter of my journey!