When I left for my vacation 2 weeks ago, I wasn’t really sure where things stood with me and Mr Goodnight. In fact, I was pretty sure he intended to break up with me when I got home. Wait…can you break up with someone your not even in a relationship with? Let me NOT go back down that road again LOL.
Any ways…I’ve been home a week and to be honest, I think that aliens may have gotten a hold to this guy and swapped him out while I was gone! I mean, before I could always feel him keeping me at a distance and I was never really sure where I stood with him let alone where we were heading…IF we were heading anywhere at all. I get back and this NEW guy in his body has gone out of his way to make me feel secure, special, and valued.
For starters, on Monday he invited me over for dinner, a little while after I arrived, he firmly instructed me to get on my knee’s and close my eyes. I did and when I opened them he presented me with a coloring book, color pencils IN AN EASTER BASKET!!!!! This was the first time that I felt like he was trying to connect with me on a Little level and it felt REALLY good to lay on his floor and color while he cooked dinner.
After dinner, he called me over to him, took my chin in his and looked me very squarely in the eyes and shared some emotional things. The things that meant the most to me…
- He apologized for not always ensuring that I knew how he felt (and said he would do better)
- Let me know that he does desire me, wants a relationship with me, and enjoys/values the time that we spend together.
- He doesn’t like when I shut down and needs me to be more open with him about how I am feeling versus just holding it in and that he will work hard to do the same.
Tuesday afternoon I started to drag and just couldn’t find a way to be excited or motivated to do anything. Wednesday I stayed home from work hidden in the blankets of my bed watching all the Tinkerbell movies on Netflix and trying to order myself to feel better. He checked on me all through both days and told me a few times that he was worried about me.
He invited me back to dinner on Thursday as he wanted to lay eyes on me. In the end, he pulled me into some light impact play and the care that he showed in it broke through whatever was going on as I started crying and he held me while I cried it out. I slept wrapped in his arms and Friday I woke up feeling a lot better.
There are still no labels or clear direction as to what we are doing/not doing….but Mr. Goodnight did offer to which I declined. I don’t want to move forward to make me feel better. I want to because it’s something that we BOTH want. How long that will take I don’t know, what I do know is that it will be 2 months on May 7th so I think that counts for something.
The thing I’m most proud of…I’m not rushing into this, not glossing over things to make them what I WANT them to be and being honest with myself on what I DO like about him and what I don’t like about him. So far, no deal breakers so that’s a plus.
My biggest take away this week. we both have to adjust to things…we both are working on things….there is no PERFECT way of starting a D/s relationship. There are bumps, struggles, and challenges…as long as you both are honest, it can be over come.