Once I know that he wants to have a D/s relationship and is not just going through the motions my need now becomes….knowing that he is a man with strength of character. A lot of times, Daddy Dom’s gets overwhelmed knowing that their Little has them on a pedestal. There can be that fear that we expect him to be perfect and if he falls from that perfection, that he will lose us. WrathDaddy’s is a Daddy Dom whom I have developed a GREAT respect for over the 2 years of following his writing. He once wrote:
In vanilla relationships, one is often told not to place their significant other on a pedestal, because it creates unrealistic and unfair expectations, and your relationship may not survive the inevitable fall from that lofty perch. In D/s relationships, a Dom is expected to build his or her own pedestal, climb up their ourselves, and maintain that position indefinitely. “Domination ain’t easy.”
He went on to write about how at one point, he fell from his pedestal, their connection weakened and how HE had to take the reigns and put it back on track. That is the strength of character that I’m talking about.
Someone who can admit when they are wrong/made a mistake, instead of being a mask of ego and false pride. Someone who can be vulnerable and lay themselves bare, without fear of judgment from me thus allowing me to do the same.
Think of it this way, how can a Daddy hold me accountable for my actions if he can’t be accountable himself? How can I expect him to not settle for excuses on my part about my own mistakes and wrongs.
• A man capable of allowing me to care for him when needed and who knows there is no weakness in this.
I need someone who knows that I am human and will make mistakes, and never makes me feel like their love for me is conditional on my perfection.
- I need and admire someone who knows that they will fail, and that I will fail as well, but that we will pick each other up, dust each other off and start again tomorrow.
- Someone who is not afraid to fail, has the courage to take chances and risk getting hurt to gain something more in their life. Someone who wants/craves/needs to do the work as they know the benefits that comes from it.
I read a post by Hasty Words today about the power of the word SORRY…it spoke to me and inspired me to add this to my Daddy List. We all make mistakes, we say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing….not to be mean or to intentionally hurt someone but it just happens. The ability to look beyond ourselves, think of the other person and put that first is important to me and something that I crave to have in my forever Daddy.
I grew up in a home where my uncle was strong on this. When you do wrong or hurt someone, you acknowledge it, apologize and work to earn their trust/love back. I watched him over those years practice what he preached and it made me respect his leadership in our home more so because he was willing to say he messed up when he was wrong.
I remember once when I was 15….my Uncle grounded me and scolded me for breaking curfew and going to a party based on something the Pastor’s daughter said. Being that i was home alone I had no way to prove I hadn’t gone. A few months later, he learned she had lied just to get me in trouble. He could have swept it under the rug since so much time had passed but he didn’t. He sat me down, told me that he knew the truth…was wrong not to have believed me and I knew he meant it via his hug and forehead kiss. He made a point from then on of taking me at my word until I proved he couldn’t trust me.
The resentment in me had festered those months so to HEAR him say all the things that I had said in my head…made me feel good. To hear him admit that even though he was the king of our castle, he had made a mistake….it just cemented our bond.
So many “Dom/Daddy’s” that I meet can’t do that. They will talk around it, they will say things like “I can see how you must have felt” or “It’s easy to see how you came to that” but most won’t say “I’m sorry if I hurt you with my actions” or “I’m sorry for my part in this misunderstanding.
This is NOT to say that it comes easy to me….I struggle!!! It is SO easy to try to gloss things over and try to skip over it to move forward but when I am honest with myself, not saying “Sorry” leaves hard feelings and often leaves the other person doubting their value as a person in some instances. I am striving to be better at taking responsibility and ownership with my actions and words and it is important to me that it be important to my Daddy as well.
I guess in a way…how can my Daddy help me to be honest and take responsibility if he doesn’t practice it as well?