I’ve been asking myself…what are my top 10 needs….what do I HAVE to have from a man in a romantic relationship. Letting my mind think on this, I I came up with a LONG list but it was just a bunch of stuff thrown at paper that needed to be weeded out and sorted through. Over the coming weeks…I am going to weed that out.
It was hard to think where to start but then I realized…start with most important thing and that is…
Someone who craves and believes in the BDSM life style and is committed to living a TPE relationship.
For me, this is a man who is naturally dominant be it at home or at work. No, I’m not talking some loud Alpha guy who bully’s everyone into doing what he wants but rather, a man who leads by example both in his interactions with people both vanilla and kink. A man who has standard for those who are within his circle of trust and space and speaks clearly on it so as to avoid confusion. Someone who sees dominance as a way of making himself and those he is responsible for better people, and to keeping order in his life, his home, and his relationships….not just a way to get his own needs met. Someone who sees the responsibilities of ownership as something that gives him joy and peace.
I’m not talking about someone who jumps in with “call me Daddy” and a bunch of silly rules that mean nothing to him just to say we have rules. But rather someone who takes the time to build a strong solid foundation via clear communication going in. Someone who desires the deep commitment and connection that comes from this types of relationship and wants to work together to continue to build and improve upon it.
Someone who craves/desires the structure, protocols and rituals of a Total Power Exchange (TPE) as much as I do. A lot of people think that this requires a lot of deep involvement but it doesn’t. it can be as simply or as easy as you make it:
- Structure: Knowing that you will see each other 2 times a week. Knowing that when you mess up, you will have a conversation, you will be punished (or he will apologize for hurting you) and all is forgiven and you move on.
- Protocols: Knowing that when you get to his house you are to go to the couch, kneel to wait for him. That once he is seated you will discuss whatever needs to be discussed. Knowing to wait in your seat for him to come around and open your car door no matter how long it takes him to do so. Or even getting yourself ready for bed and then going to kneel on his side of the bed and waiting for him to come and invite you in.
- Rituals: That when you awake in the morning, you will get up and go to start his coffee while he showers. That at night, be it over the phone or next to each other in bed, you discuss and share your day, ending the night together.
These actions re-enforces the power exchange and our places/roles in it and he will crave it as much as I do. Being with someone who appreciates the true exchange of power in this type of relationship and needs to give what I need to receive, needs to receive what I need to give makes my soul sing with joy.
Why do I desire, want, and crave this? With this type of man, I won’t have to ask myself if I was being to needy or a burden as I would know/feel that he needs me as much as I need him….that it is a passion for him as well. I am free to do for him knowing he is doing for me in return. I can say “I need…..” because I will know that not only is it expected, needed, and desires but that he is doing the same thing.
There is no bigger turn on for me than for a man to say “I need you to do this for me” be is something as simple as texting when I leave for and arrive at work, or when I am going out with friends and with whom. To the sexual of having him say that he needs to fuck me be it to relieve stress or that he needs me sitting on his face so he can feast on my pussy. Him just saying “I need….” lets me know that I am serving him in some way and that FILLS the need inside of me.
Now I”m not saying that I don’t want or expect to have vanilla in my relationship but lets face it….when your submissive, it leaks into your vanilla life as well. We can go out to dinner and still be us. Go to the movies or bowling and him still be my Daddy and me still be his little girl. However, knowing that we have a power exchange, I never have to QUESTION where I stand as there are always things there to remind me.
So yeah, THIS is my #1 need….to be with someone who wants, needs, and craves the D/s relationship dynamic as much as I do.