There really isn’t much to report other than I’m pretty sure that Mr. Goodnight and I aren’t going to make it. We have exchanged an email and a couple of texts and I’m pretty sure that we will stay friends but other than that…it’s not looking good. Don’t get me wrong, he is a really nice guy but I’m realizing that we communicate differently and that there are some things about me that he isn’t going to be able to accept.
#1 – He missed out date due to being sick. I didn’t hear from him for a few days which made me think that he was mad at me. He wasn’t but it hurt that it didn’t occur to him to just shoot a quick message so that I wouldn’t worry about him.
#2 – I tell every guy going in….I come across as a sweet and loving Kitten, don’t let the window dressing fool you…I’m really a small Lioness. It seems that on some level, when he said, you can be honest, frank and upfront…he wasn’t expecting what I gave him. His exact words…
I appreciate you highlighting how you were able to flip me so easily……That means that not only do I have to have my guard up and be extra meticulous when dealing with certain colleagues who wish me ill-will. But I also have to keep my guard up and be forever mindful that I have a formidable opponent in you as well.
The rest of the email didn’t read like this was a god thing but he does want to talk when I get home. I’m sure that we will stay friends but this is just another reminder to keep my big fat mouth shut when men ask me questions and ask for total honesty. One day I will remember that no matter how much some men say they can accept and deal with it, they can’t.
However, his statement also reminded me that I want a man who will not only recognize this about me but value it, cherish it, and be excited by it. I’ve never said that I was a sweet little Princess made of sugar and spice. I’ve honest that I am a Super Villain…I’m Catwoman and I’m capable of doing some very evil and twisted things, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad.
Fuck, I’m a mogwai bitches…as the poster says, “Cute, Clever, Mischievous, Intelligent, and dangerous (Giggle). I hate feeling like I have to watch what I say and do. Feeling like I have to hold back the stronger part of me so as not to intimidate my Dom. Honestly, my submission helps me to balance this. It centers me to know that if/when I do something we will talk about it, I will get spanked/corner or whatever for whatever manipulation I’ve done and we move forward.
We have been getting to know each other for a month and he has been a total gentleman. He has been ubber sweet to me, kind and caring in his treatment of me and my feeling but being honest with myself….I think that he is to nice and in the end I’m going to break him and we won’t be able to be friends. The longer I feel like I have to self control and monitor myself out of fear of doing wrong…at some point I will resent him. The lion tamer doesn’t fear or resent the lion for it’s power or the fact that it could kill him when he places his head in it’s mouth. He accepts this, trains this powerful animal to fear him more than it’s natural instinct, and to love him more than the taste of blood.
Then again, I could be wrong…in my hurt feelings and wallowing in my “poor little me” pity party. What I do know is that I am not making snap judgement or jumping to conclusions but rather just giving him space to think about what he has learned about me and if it’s something he can accept. Maybe having a Poly arrangement with him would work out as it would give me someone local to hang out with while I look for a Daddy strong enough to handle me so I don’t have to worry about breaking him.
As for me…I am going to SHUT THE FUCK UP when men ask me for my honest opinion on ANYTHING!!!! From here on out, I’m like Shultz on Hogan’s Hero’s “I KNOW NOTHINZ!!!”