So, I’ve been a little hesitant to write this as things always seem to go down hill once I share about anyone new. But today, today I am smiling and wanted to share with you guys because I really am feeling hopeful about this one….
So on Mar 7th, I received an message on a Kink site that I like to chat on regularly. Being that I was not actively looking for anyone, I opened his message with the intent pasting the politely worded “Thanking you for your message but I’m not currently up for meeting/getting to know anyone as a potential partner” that I have saved in a word document. However, his opening stopped me in my tracks and made me reconsider.
Good afternoon Ms Little 🙂
I stumbled across your profile earlier and it definitely caught my attention! Took a few moments to read over some of your journal entries as well to gain some insights. Very thought provoking, well written, and a pleasure to read:)
Now…let me say, it REALLY made an impression that he actually took the time to read what I had written. It made me think of him as something other than a kinky troll looking for a hook up. His ending made me giggle and smile and I couldn’t help but reply to his message in a positive way.
Well, I wanted to simply take a few moments to properly introduce myself to you….and would absolutely love to chat more if you’re interested:) And you’re not a bot, catfish, scammer from Nigeria, etc! lol
This went on for a little over a week and I was impressed that he could not only carry on a conversation but that he also had some deep thoughts that he was willing to share without having them pulled from him. He does not self identify as a Daddy but as a Master, but has had experience dealing with Little’s so understands the mind set. It was a little intimating as he has been a Master for over 16 years and lets face it…I’m not the easiest Little in the world to tame.
He invited me for a drink and when we meet was every bit of the gentleman, holding my chair and pushing it in for me. Walking out to feed the meter together and then walking me to my car and providing a very simple good night kiss.
The next week…he invited me over for “cocktails” and to watch The Secret Life of Pets which made me giggle but I went and it was nice. He feed me dinner of chicken and spaghetti squash…now let me add that I did NOT want to eat the squash but he was very encouraging and I ate half of it. It grew late and I had to go home…when he pushed for why I said that it was because I didn’t have Polie thinking this would freak him out and make him not want me back. And yet, he encouraged me to come back and to bring Polie which I did. I stayed the night, snuggled in his arms and SLEPT though the night WITHOUT a tv or radio on!!!!! Yes, this Little girl who is SCARED of the dark and quiet SLEPT snuggled in his bed in his arms with Polie and did not have even ONE nightmare!
The Glitter Girls where just as surprised as me by this and Cinn actually challenged me to write 10 reasons why he DOES want to date me (which I will post this weekend) when the crazy in my head started listing the reasons this guy is crazy for liking me. The question of what to call him came up and after some thought…I’ve decided to call him Mr. Goodnight, because talking to him calms my mind and I sleep soundly.
What I like about this guy, he encourages my questions…encourages me to let down my guard and show him all of me…even the crazy parts. I told him about my insecurities and my abandonment issues on our first date and he still calls and messages me each day. Which makes me wonder if he’s crazy or to scared to run (Giggle). He pays attention to the little things I say and that I don’t say. He makes me feel secure in that he isn’t going to leave at the first sigh of bad times by always asking how I feel and what I think…he always wants to know what questions are going through my mind.
So what made me want to share him here? What made me feel secure in writing about him here? We had a conversation the other night about his desire for Poly….and he was very frank and open with me. He didn’t water it down but answered all my questions. He allowed me time to think on it and to come to him to talk when I was ready. I’ve considered a Poly Triad before, only with 2 Daddy’s so I could see his desire and reasoning…but as I slept on this my insecurities from my past attempt at Poly and my recent dealings with my brothers Little slave made me feel that I would not be good at Poly.
So last night, I shared this with him, expecting it to bring our time to a close. I actually said that as well. His response was to snuggle me closer and ask how he could make me feel more secure and asking what would be OUR compromise. Ladies and Gentleman…this blew me AWAY!!!! THAT made me feel secure right there….him holding me closer and asking how HE could make ME feel more secure. Now let me be honest, I REALLY did not expect that answer. I expected “I respect that and wish you luck as well”. I expected cuddle time to be over and me to be on my way home. I thought about it for a minute…I let it sink in that he STILL wanted to get to know me and be with me…not walk away because I didn’t give the perfect answer out the gate.
So in the end…I let go, opened my heart and released the fear that I’ve been holding in that this was going to crash and burn (as normally happens within 2 weeks of me liking someone) and be another failure to launch. I am going to respect his wish to stop monitoring myself so much, to stop catching myself and pulling back and I’m going to allow myself to be happy and relax into him because I do believe him when he says “I’ve got you”. The funny thing that I realized…he always says that when I get “into my head” and start to pull in and it helps me to relax…he really is a Good Guy guys LOL.
First step in letting go of that fear though…writing it hear. Sharing with you guys who I love and who I know love me in return. Then it’s finishing all the posts that I have started to write about him and haven’t due to lack of honesty on my part and in my words (Giggle). If I can’t be honest with you guys, how can I be honest with him? and if I can’t be honest with him, how can I be honest with myself?
So, today, I am releasing my fears and going to enjoy this journey. I am going to stop worrying that he won’t like me and this will fail and simply say…
“Houston….we have lift off!”