I’ve written before about how much I enjoy attending Munch’s and being a part of my local kink community. I find the more that I spend with those who live the lifestyle and enjoy it as I do the more that I learn about myself.
Well last weekend while traveling for work, I decided to attend a Little’s Munch in that location to see how it differed from what I’ve attended in the past. For starters…it was held at someone’s home who does daycare. A nice man introduced himself as the coordinator whom I had talked to on Fet and was JUST as nice in person as he was online. His Little immediately hugged me, grabbed my hand and pulled me around introducing me to others.
Now this should have freaked me out but I was instantly drawn to the tables with coloring papers and crayons…the plates with apple slices, the cups with juice and the fact that everyone was just CHILL and having a good time. The bigs were off to one area talking and us Little’s were coloring and talking. Not baby talk but regular anywhere conversations! There was talk about relationships with Bossy Daddy’s and Mommy’s but most of the things discussed were things that I have had in past solid relationships with my Daddy’s so I found it nice to engage and talk and get to know them. I was feeling like a Little munch is what I need all the time. A couple of times i even found myself feeling jealous of those using the sippy cups and even a couple of girls who had paci’s hanging around their necks on chains.
Before to long, snack time came, the bigs started handing out the apple slices and juice only now the cups had sippy lids on them. Houston…we have a problem! I took the lid off my and drank but couldn’t stop myself from looking around at everyone else, drinking like it was just every ole day! When we were done, the bigs cleaned up, wipes were gotten and hand were cleaned and a couple of bigs offered to help me versus giving me the wipes but were most gracious when I declined.
What I realized before to long…I wasn’t at a “LIttle’s” munch but a munch for Little’s who are age players. Normally…I am SOOOOO freaked out by Age players because all I can see in my mind are diapers and grow ups pretending to be infants. None of these people were that way at the munch. No one asked to be changed, no one was crying or speaking baby talk. By the time I left my mind was screaming WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!!! I found so many ways that I related to these little’s, so many things I shared in common with them and the relationship they shared with their tops.
So much so that I was freaked that I could secretly be an age player just waiting for a diaper to find it’s way to my bottom. I thought of how my other Little friends would disown me, it was a TERRIBLE spiral that I couldn’t give voice to out of fear of actually saying those words. So instead, I called Drill SGT and asked, “how old is my Little to you” to which he replied “5 or 6” I reached out to CSM and asked him and he replied between 4 and 8 give or take the activity. Garrick said he always placed me between 7 and 8. My question…WHY DID NONE OF YOU TELL ME???? I have always claimed to be a middle until recently so I was a little insulted. My next question, do I come across as an age player. To which everyone said no, it didn’t matter if I did as long as I’m happy…and “Your just you Selina”. This was NOT what I wanted to hear.
So I reached out to the Little’ whose Daddy was the event coordinator and asked her, how did you know you were an age player and around the block asked if she wore diapers. She laughed her ass off and actually educated me that not all age players wear diapers, pretend to be infants or any of the other things I had thought. I asked she was able to allow herself to use a paci or drink from a sippy cup and she said her Daddy gave it to her and it just felt right.
Now I will admit, I still suck my thumb, have since I was a baby…I enjoy buying the Batman juice bottles at the gas station as I enjoy the spout top…but I’ve never been able to buy a paci or a sippy cup even if I have been curious a few times. I have allowed myself to chew on a paci that was left in my car while driving in commuter traffic to calm my nerves but had to give it back when the mom realized it was missing.
So now…here I find myself wondering about this part of me that I have denied for so long. Not sure if I am brave enough to actually allow someone to guide me to explore it if the right person came along but finally I think, able to admit that it lurks there in the darkness peeking out at me at times. For now…that’s enough for me. Admitting it to myself and actually being able to write this post and share it with you guys….it feels a little less frightening running though my brain.