Over the last few days I have been in a revolving conversation with my bestie on the price of freedom…how do you know when you have to much. Her view, to much freedom can take you down the wrong path. Mine, not enough can make you do things just to test the reins. However today I read a post on Thoughts of Sir‘s blog called “Be Careful” that made me really stop and think about this.
Quite simply he wrote, “Be careful how much leash you give her, The more you give, the more you lose her.” I looked at these words viewing them from a Dom’s point of view. I have had 3 Dom’s previous to my Daddy and in each of those relationships I had a list of rules. I had a schedule built around those rules that kept me on track and helped me to stay focused. In fact, I actually kept to the schedule and most of the rules from my last Dom well after he set me free because I enjoyed the security and the safety that I found in that routine.
However after I joined Fetlife and began to actively pursue finding a new Daddy I realized that I no longer had to adhere to those rules and began stretching in the freedom that it brought. However what I didn’t see was that I had stopped getting to the gym every day, I was eating out more, staying up late…getting caught up in everything instead of focusing on what was important. I would get caught over thinking in my head and it would take me a while to sort though things that had only taken me a short time before. I didn’t go completely crazy being that one of my past Dom’s is the father of my daughter, my older brother is also a Dom who watches out for me, and my bestie’s Master always felt the need to add his two cents.
Then I meet Daddy and it felt so right that I knew this was the man for me. When Daddy and I became official I couldn’t help but EEKK in happiness and tell everyone that I had a Daddy Dom who loved me. The Dom’s in my life all backed off as I was no longer their concern and when I announced that Daddy and I had added the Master/slave dynamic they were happy for me but went completely hands off.
I should tell you that I have never had that freedom, growing up in a D/s home and always being surrounded by Dominant men. Daddy is not like the men in my family or like I’m use to, he is more laid back and easy going and I don’t really have rules just directives so to speak. When asked by my bestie I have said time and time again how much I love it but reading this post makes me wonder if my freedom causes me to pull away from Daddy.
I thought about it several times and it would not let me go. Daddy has been sick since yesterday so we haven’t been able to really talk so when he woke up I was excited to tell him the thoughts that I had been having of him all day. I had texted him that I was so bored and he was asking me if I had gone to work out. Seeing his message I disregarded it intent on getting out everything that I wanted to say. Daddy was not going to be detoured or distracted as he normally was and I reacted badly and bratty. Even after Daddy called me on it I still insisted it was his fault I had acted bratty because he was pushing his question instead of allowing me to say what I wanted to say instead of stopping and answering his question then resuming what I wanted to say.
I felt bad after Daddy called me on this and I was disciplined and in my mind I kept asking myself why I did it. I called Mookie to pour my heart out on how badly I felt for my actions only to get called on it front out. She pointed out I would have never avoided Daddy’s question if I truly loved him and respected him to which I replied that I did but that Daddy gives me the freedom to tell him what I want when I want. It doesn’t bother him that I get wrapped up at times.
What I got back was a lecture on how I will ruin this with Daddy before it can truly begin because I won’t give up the freedom he has given me and embrace that there are boundaries. I was thinking about this when I received a reply from Sir “M” aka Blade on my comment to his post staying that his babygirl is also having freedom issues. This really made me begin to think that I may need to relook my views on freedom and if I do take it for granted, if I do take Daddy for granted because he doesn’t give me rules and just expect that he will be okay with whatever.
I love my Daddy and he has come to be my everything and I can’t imagine him not being my Daddy Dom or my Master. But I am starting to think that maybe Mookie may be right…maybe I need to stop always thinking of Daddy as my Daddy and ensure that I am respecting him as my Master. I don’t want to pull away from him, I don’t want to make him doubt my love for him or commitment to us…I want to be his babygirl, his submissive, and his slave. I am proud to be his property and never want to lose that either.
But again, I’m going on and on about me and what I want because I I know that Daddy will give me what I ask for. He asks for so very little that I hold back so that I won’t over whelm him. I really need to sit myself down and get my mind straight with this because as Sir “M” aka Blade said in his post, I want to be careful in what I do with the amount of leash that Daddy has given me and that I don’t take it for granted and lose him with my carelessness.