For the last 3 hours I have tried to think on how to write this…how to corral the thoughts in my brain to make sense. You see at my core I am elemental…I am my feline and I am fire. When it comes to work/professional life, or motherhood I am a thinker and a planner. I watch, interrupt, and then act or react as needed. Yet when it comes to me as a person in an intimate relationship I can’t seem to do this. Yesterday my world got rocked when I found myself surrounded by dark and someone touched me.
Let me just say now…I have been deathly afraid of the dark and quiet for most of my life and combine it with quiet or being touched while experiencing both and it is a cause for a break down on my part. I have tired for years to manage this fear and know it to be irrational and yet…it is there. I struggled with how to tell Daddy what happened not wanting him to worry as I knew he was at work and had meetings all day but also knowing that I could not keep it from him. Daddy of course was quick to text back and comfort me and without me realizing came up with a plan to distract me from my distress.
Daddy told me to go and get my dildo out and put it in laying on my side in bed as if he were behind me. Now I will say that playing with Daddy is always fun but for some reason right from the beginning it felt different. Not only could I feel it buy my feline could as well. He instructed me to put it in and hold it, do not move and to play with my nipples. Oh how my pussy ached with the feel of being full and the desire to move knowing my orgasm was not far behind. However Daddy was in charge of this and his will would not be denied. My feline craved the release that she knew was soon to come but did not want to submit to Daddy’s instructions…she wanted to cum and cum now whispering that he would not know…but I would know and I held fast following Daddy’s instructions.
It was intense, begging him for release and yet feeling pride that I was following his directions. When the phone rang and I saw it was Daddy calling I wanted to cry in relief and lets be honest I really did shed a few tears. Daddy was out of his meetings and ready to take charge of his baby and provide me what I needed. His dominance and his control…the sub space that only he can seem to give me.
When all was said and done I came so hard that I did shed tears not caring if Daddy heard me crying but rejoicing as my spirit soared from not only the relief of orgasm but relishing the knowledge that Daddy had done this to us.
Laying there talking to him afterwards as he drove home I had to smile at how many times he asked me how was I, how did I feel, if I was okay…he is a good man my Daddy and takes after care very seriously. I know that the distance between us bothers him and he feels he needs to be extra cautious in how he pushes us because of it but still…I still have to smile at how smooth he is when he does it, never intruding on that special place he has placed me but never letting me forget that he is with me either…but I digress.
When we got off the phone I laid there relishing the after glow when my feline piped up to add her two cents. While she had been sated during the exchange she wanted more…craved more, demanding more. She is not willing to submit when she feels cheated and I have to say that it can be annoying to have your peace ruined by that part of you that will not allow you to hide. We played with Daddy again later and once again…release was all I had hoped for and then some but she was still not content to allow me to not know she felt cheated in the exchange…she wanted more.
What more could there be. My nipples were soar, my pussy well used and even my ass felt used…there was no more to be had but she was not to allow me to ignore her and I tossed and turned until 5:30 am battling her. Stupid feline would not allow me the luxury of slumber while she tried to convince me there was more to be had. When I talked to Daddy this morning I tried to explain it to him but my lack of sleep made communication not very productive. But how do you express to your Daddy that he made you feel wonderful but you wanted more? How do you explain MORE when you don’t honestly know what MORE means yourself. I was getting frustrated and annoyed with myself for being greedy when Daddy said something that set me off.
The minute he sent the text saying he would try to no longer hold back my entire body went on high alert and while I tried to process what he said logically my feline was there purring like the she devil perched upon my shoulder that she had been right and he was holding back, denying us what was ours. I wanted to be understanding and I wanted to be patient but my feline was enraged and so was my fire element…hot bright and gaining momentum. My feline demanded his blood running down her throat and smeared across her claws. Lets just say that I said somethings in anger to my Daddy that well…if he had been within arms reach or cars drive of me I would have been severely punished for it. I was defiant, I was hateful, and I was enraged…I was my feline with her back up and ready to attack.
I am happy that Daddy and I worked though it and we are in a better place I think having gotten that first full blown fight out of the way but it made me realize that I will have work harder to control my feline. While I was sorry for the way I behaved she was not, instead choosing to curl defiantly in a corner claiming the small victory in being right in the beginning. I honestly feel if I hadn’t had to work late there would have been punishment but my feline chose not to believe me. Daddy’s words and energy were not something we have felt before and I don’t care to repeat it again…however my feline does not share my views believing as the Godess of the Jungle it is her right to display her contempt and unhappiness as she see’s fit.
Daddy said that he understands that I was jealous and having a minute, he also said he understands why most Dom’s would have a problem dealing with my feline (I’ve been called willful, evil, hateful, and accused of topping from the bottom). Daddy seems to think he will subdue my feline (to which she is still asking what Army he will get help from) and I honestly hope that he can. I love Daddy, and can’t imagine life without him.
Now here it is almost midnight and I am dead on my feet but needed to get this on paper so as to allow me to sleep tonight. I wish that I was not so close to my elemental side at times. That I was able to block Daddy enough to apply my filters and think before I act. I wish that I could corral my feline into a cage and move my fire feelings to a fire pit instead of open space. Hell other times I just wish that I could put myself into the magic box that makes it easier for me to be all that Daddy wants and needs.
But until then….I am off to bed as I can’t keep my eyes open another minute.